Home team in caps.
Cincinnati (+8.5) over BALTIMORE
No surprises here. One tiger muzzle to the butt and the crow’s never more. Yeah, so I settled on a “never more” joke. What of it?
Cleveland (+5.5) over BUFFALO
Buffalo can be taken for a ride. Brownies refuse. That’s all we need to know.
Washington (+3.5) over CAROLINA
The panther was hungry for some manflesh, but the “Native American” (since “Redskin” is potentially offensive in Scribblestan) armed with a spear held his own. The combatants fought valiantly until they both dropped dead of their wounds. I’m smelling a tie. Take the points.
Pittsburgh (-10.5) over DETROIT
As there are no Steelers in Scribblenauts, I opted for the suggestion “sternwheeler” (a large steamship) instead. Not much going on here, so I dropped the mascots on each other. The lion landed gracefully atop the sternwheeler as if he weighed no more than a kitten. The sternwheeler was a little more blunt and crushed the lion beneath its weight, but only after the second attempt!
KANSAS CITY (+8.5) over Dallas
The classic battle of cowboys versus indians did not disappoint here–both mascots were hungry for battle from the get-go. It was a brutal bout of fisticuffs, but the cowboy was barely victorious in the end. This suggests a last-second Dallas field goal that will be enough for the win, but not to cover.
N.Y. GIANTS (-15.5) over Oakland
Since there are no “Raiders” in Scribblenauts, I chose the recommended “RC Glider” instead. It has no power, so it just got pushed around by the giant as he moved on to bigger and better things, namely, pummeling Maxwell.
PHILADELPHIA (-13.5) over Tampa Bay
In an odd reversal, when the pirate is given the eagle, it’s the eagle who punts the pirate. Actually, considering Tampa Bay’s 0-4 start, this shouldn’t be surprising at all.
ST. LOUIS (+10.5) over Minnesota
You would think when a viking sees a ram, he would savagely convert the creature into a meal and a new hat. Alas, this Norse warrior instituted a live and let live policy. Take the points on the Rams.
Atlanta (+2.5) over SAN FRANCISCO
The miners, for some reason, are basically vikings. I’m now really curious what the gold rush prospectors wore back in the day. Neither side seemed to care about the other with this matchup. They just wanted to go through the motions. When in doubt, take the points.
Houston (+5.5) over ARIZONA
As there are no “Texans” in Scribblenauts, I chose the suggested “Texas” (yet another steamship–go figure) instead. The cardinal (of the Catholic sense) hopped right into the steamship just fine. I would’ve given the edge to Arizona for this fact alone, except the cardinal looked like he was getting squeezed to death in there like a gang-tackled QB. It’s a tough call, but I’ll have to go with Houston on this one.
New England (-3.5) over DENVER
The patriot and the bronco were pretty indifferent to each other, so it’s time to throw footballs at their heads! The bronco seemed indifferent at first, but by the third pelting, he got really sad. The patriot, on the other hand, took three peltings just fine. It was the fourth one that sent him off in a trigger happy rage. As long as this doesn’t translate into a bunch of personal fouls, the Pats should be fine.
Jacksonville over SEATTLE (PK)
At this point, it’s almost unfair to be named after a big cat. Scribblenauts doesn’t care if you’re a bird of prey, the game has made it clear who’s higher on the food chain.
TENNESSEE (+3.5) over Indianapolis
The 0-4 Titan must be pissed because he ran straight towards the colt and obliterated him with a single punch to the back of the head.
MIAMI (+1.5) over N.Y. Jets
Parents, cover your children’s eyes, because this one deserves a hard-R. When placed on top of the jet, the dolphin started vigorously humping the aircraft. After the fifth or sixth long, hard thrust, the jet exploded in a cloud of dust, leaving only two tires behind. This is a development beyond my wildest imagination. No wonder we keep planes in the sky and dolphins underwater.
Last week: 10-4
Overall: 27-19
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